Despots' Log (a.k.a., the Editors' Page)

• Kari Bauer, who can be reached at

  klbauer@midway.uchicago.edu

• Francesca Parker, who lives at

  flparker@midway.uchicago.edu

• Kate Pickering, who can often be found at

  kate@snafu.mit.edu

DESPOTS' LOG:                                                VOLUME 2
                                                              ISSUE 1
                                                        ---> ^^^^^^^^
                                                             Look!!!

Well, Happy Birthday To Us. Who'd'a thunk, a year ago, that we'd still
be crankin' this thing out over-deadline? Heck - until this issue
actually gets sent out, we still won't be sure. But if you're reading
this, we must have made it that far, so Yee-Haw.

Hey - since this is a leap year, and we're one year old, does that
mean we'ver really been writing Utopia Parkway for *four* years? What
a sobering thought.

[brain mode back to neutral]

So how's your spring going? No, really - has it warmed up yet? Has it
been raining a lot? Enjoying the re-emergence of green? Here's hoping
you can get out of your dorm rooms and offices and enjoy it a little
bit before momma nature pushes the lever over to "HOT." Hey - and
bring a few friends and a frisbee while you're at it.

Well, listen - there's some punch on the table over there, near the
pecan rolls and cheese puffs; we even got some twiglets for our
continental cousins. The cake is still setting, but it'll be out
later. Why don't you make yourself comfortable, and when a few more
people show up we'll drag out the Ouiji Board and our collectors'
addition of Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Uncle-Androo.

Last one to the punch bowl's a stinky llama!

Franny, Kari & Kate

• Utopia Parkway is excellent! May I include a pointer to the web site on my page? In return, I have a recipe for y'all--it's easy, fun, yummy, and destructive.

  My friend Steve's violent bark

  Ingredients:
  1 bag of those vanilla-flavored melting chips
  1 1/2 of the 1"x~12" peppermint sticks

  What to do:
  Wrap the peppermint sticks well in several heavy plastic bags. (This is the fun part.) Smash them up with a fairly wide fairly wooden mallet. Melt the vanilla chips (in the microwave if you're really lazy). Mix in the peppermint shards. Spread on waxed paper and let cool, in the freezer if you promise not to forget about it. Break into smaller pieces and eat in one sitting, then guiltily go work out.

  (Liza, ejm6@po.cwru.edu)

  [Thanks, Liza! And of course, link us wherever you want! We consider ourselves highly linkable. We also consider ourselves quite pleased by your recipe. As a matter of fact, we've heard of a similar one, where you throw some crushed peppermint stick into cake batter and frosting. Yum! -ed.]

• Highjackin' the tour bus,
  Railroadin' the love god,
  Spoon feedin' the puppet,
  Spearheadin' the Campaign!

  
  It's Rockstars in America..
  tonight!
  Rockstars in America...
  tonight!

  
  Release the muscle,
  unclensh your love,
  Repeat the sayings,
  Crunch in the West--

  
  She is Betty, and I am luke,
  repeat three times, and you have crepes
  I like girls in their blue dresses,
  the best dressed avocado befriends only cretins

  
  Under the influence of all the almighty,
  I have fashioned a coat,
  It is made out of hands,
  I call it the dictionary!

  (The inimitable Bob, yu103271@yorku.ca)

• I have been doing reseach into this, and it seems feasible:

  We should build an army of robots.

  There is, howver, one problem with my plan, as of yet; just when we are about to conquer the free world, something will backfire, and the robots will begin to attack us, and many will shake their heads and cluck their tongues, and mutter something about poetic justice.

  But once I figure out how to solve that problem, man oh man, we are set.

  think we'll both need robotic arms, though.

  (robert ward robotmaster, a.k.a. Bob yu103271@yorku.ca)

  [We love you Bob, and we're scared of you. -ed.]

• You guys are great! I had briefly forgotten your greatness, but was quickly reminded upon seeing the word "defenestrational" in the latest issue of UP. You know, this summer, I was a teaching assistant for a math-like class with 10-12 year olds. And one time I was talking with a few of them and said you know what's a great word? Defenestration. Then later in class one of them asked me, what's that word? And I told them again, defenestration. So the next day they were being rowdy (10-12 year olds rowdy? neverrrrr) and kept whining isn't it time for lunch? So the teacher (I was only the TA remember) said to them, it's lunch when I say it's time for lunch. And one of them said, not true. If you don't let us go when we want, we'll just defenestrate ourselves and go. I was so proud. Needless to say, no defenestration was necessary.

  (Rachel ST001992@BROWNVM.BROWN.EDU)

  [Aww. *sniff* Thanks, Rach! -ed.]

• Hello all at Utopia Parkway!
  it's always a joy to return to my computer terminal after a break and recieve a fun-packed-sun-pat of a net-zine! This winter break was no exception and i spent many a long winter night wishing i could be back at Umass to again read the delightful (not to mention detailful) outpouring of your esteemed organ.

  Well done once more, and the doctors say i should be off the medication in no time, thanks to you all at the Parkway. visit me when it's all over, and we can sttle into how things used to be at http://frost.oit.umass.edu/~djh/ and why not bring some friends? I'll hire a baseball and we can make a day of it!

  (Daniel Heller, djh@student.umass.edu)

• Hey there! Just a quick note to say that I enjoyed the last issue of the e'zine, and that round-robin story telling is always amusing, if not always quite that bizarre. :-)

  How many people do you send this to? Just curious.

  (Khedron, mrh3@midway.uchicago.edu)

  [Somewhere between 300 and 2.5 million. -ed.]

• Hello,
  
  Are you there? I was just checking out your entertaining Utopia Parkway[tm] netzine. I enjoyed it to no end. Ok, I lied, it has ended but only for now. I would like to receive copies in my "mail-box".
  The gods led me to your page. Click, Click, Click no map nothin. I needed to pull off to get directions and when I did I found out I was there. The place I had never heard about but knew must exist. It is a home, a safe-haven, if you will.
  Have a good day.

  KurtA, kurta@srvr1.provide.net)

• oh, i am so wretched and ungrateful. i am so preoccupied in my world of listservs, this steady flow of information & mental stimulation i so crave, that i forget there are real people who are writing these words. and that is how i am about UP.

  it's like you don't exist, except in my computer.

  so this is a personal note to thank you for your splendid work. i still haven't found anything like it, but this may be a reflection on my cyber-skills. that was a joke, i fuckin' hate smileys.

  maybe i should write to you every time. that would be a good discipline, teach me not to take it for granted. because one day, UP will not come, and i will feel a little sad and empty.

  (gareth jenkinson gareth@ivybank.demon.co.uk)