DESPOTS' LOG____________________________________________NOVEMBER, 1995 Hey. Hi there. Miss us? Well, we're back anyway. Back at school, back on your computer screen and yes - back to the basics (we knew you knew that was leading somewhere. You're so smart.). Incidentally, we're also back to back, on a comeback, back on the chain gang (sometimes hard to distinguish from "back at school") in the backwoods (aka backward), and back from the dead. But that's another issue altogether. Congress currently has two toll-free numbers. Use 'em while they last (probably only 'til Dec 1): 800-962-3524 and 800-972-3524. Which brings us to our next point. You may realize, as you descend further and farther into the depths of this issue that we're...uh...advocating numerous actions and purchases. So in the spirit of effectively apologizing in the Despots' Log for what we consider to be the shortcomings of a given issue by calling it the "theme," feel free to consider this the Marketplace Issue as well. p.s. Did you know Catbert is red? Oh, and make sure to check out this month's emailing for the announcement about our new feature: Miss UP, advice columnist, premiering next month. See you in town, Franny, Kari & Kate
It's... not a coincidence. It really is Utopia Pkwy in Queens... I recognize the photo. I work on Utopia Pkwy (St. John's U), I drive on 164th St. to get to work. But there you are in Chicago. Is this some cosmic coincidence? If it's not, don't tell me. I want to believe. (Actually not- you must be from around here, right?) (Curly Sue sue@interport.net)
[Actually, it's both cosmic coincidence *and* the street in Queens, NY. As for our locality...we live mostly here and there, but sometimes we wander hither and yon. -ed.]
I live on Utopia Parkway and was pleased to see your page, however the highway in the picture is not the Long Island Expressway where the sign is. In fact it looks more like the Cross Island or maybe someplace in the Bronx? Where's it from, eh? (Pat pjburns@mailbox.syr.edu)
[The sign is indeed on the LIE, but the bridge is the Triborough. At long last we have brought them together, as they should always have been. -ed.]
How many people get UP, anyway? (Stuart Johnson stjohn@mail.scsn.net)
[More than we ever dreamed and less than a million -ed.]
please send me information about TMBG (Darryl Suskin Suskin@students.uiuc.edu)
[Um...er...We do the best we can in the monthly issue...See also our TMBG archive, reachable through the roadkill page: http://student-www.uchicago.edu/users/kmpicker/roadkill.html -ed.]
I was wondering when the next issue of UTOPIA PARKWAY would be hitting my computer screen with gentle but firm force. Have a lovely lunch or dinner as the case may be! (Chris Zammarelli lib_zammarel@holycross.edu)
[Several people have inquired as to the whereabouts of Issue #6, October. We can only say, "we lost it." We mourn its loss, and we vow never to let it happen again. And it was a lovely dinner. So kind of you to ask. -ed.]
Exactly who are you people, who writes your articles, and what was the score of the last Super Bowl game that the Bears were in? (Mark Whitehill, markwh@ksu.ksu.edu)
[We're the rulers of the universe, we have many minions who do all our writing for us, and...and...Oh, damn. I think they found us out, guys. -ed.]
How long does TMBG coffee last sitting in a TMBG bag on one of my speakers? (Matt James mjames@love.loyola.edu)
[Well, our study reveals that consumption should optimally take place between 3 and 4.6 months after purchase. Of course, we haven't put much thought into this yet. -ed.]
Just wanted to let you know that the Utopia Parkway is one of the most interesting sites I have seen. In fact I like so much that I am providing a link to from my own homepage- if you don't mind that is. (John jmwood@midway.uchicago.edu)
[John, flattery will get you everywhere. Please link us! This goes for anybody - all links are greatly appreciated and celebrated. Especially the ones we don't have to beg for. Furthermore, if you have something relevant you're willing to let us throw up on the Roadkill page, send it in. Disk space is only slightly limited, and we plan to push those limits to the very Cliffs of Insanity[tm] -ed.]
Tuhn ih ohn. Leave ih ohn. I want my UP! (Allan J. LeSage alesage@midway.uchicago.edu)
Rapping is my favourite game, Rapping Bob is my name. I like to rap out in the street, I rap rap rap and tap my feet. Sometimes I rap out in the rain, I've rapped with people out from Spain. They liked to see my rapping style, But now they like rapping Kyle. Kyle is evil and wears pants, He has an army of marching ants. The ants will rip out all your hair, and when you're bald you'll be scared. So listen to my rapping song, so play the drums and ring the gong. I must go; I must flee, Thanks for rapping with li'l ole me. (Robert Hickey beanie@golden.org)
[The mind continues to boggle at the wit and wisdom of BOB. -ed.]
We have one slight correction to make: 41 is not totally free. Not that we want large amounts of money or books of stamp for the privilege of viewing 41 (we don't mind them or anything either, seeing as how they really help us a lot) but we would like to get to know the people subscribed to our purple papers. So if you could inform the masses of people who read Utopia Parkway that a nice letter telling us all about themselves, replete with amusing anecdotes, etc. sent to:Marvin and Gertie Productions
3138 OVERHULSE RD NW #59
OLYMPIA WA 98502
(41 prefers snailmail) will get them a 41 in their mailbox for the rest of the magazine's existence. (Matt, Defender of the Spaceways powersm@elwha.evergreen.edu)
[Oops - UP not only regrets the error, but we *really* regret taking so long to fix it! -ed.]
[This may count as us sending ourselves reader mail, but in any case, we have an important message, and this seems as good a place to put it as any: We've been having problems with our subscription form since we put it up - namely, we weren't getting any of the stuff in the comment box until the problem was fixed at the beginning of this month. So to those of you who sent in that startlingly witty prose and/or poetry that is now lost some where in a distant sector of cyberspace - we're terribly sorry, and we promise it won't happen again. Which, yes, is meant to instill in you feeling of pity over our long commentlessness and obvious regret, and a desire to rectify the situation immediately by sending us more mail! Purdy please? Don't worry though, the subscriptions themselves we did get - thank you! A great big thank you to Kevin Fu as well, for making our form the perfect specimen it is today. -ed.]
 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |