This month's Utopia Parkway[tm] is brought to you -- finally -- by "the natural approach to breast enhancement." We quote [©2000 Isis™]: "Tracy from Johnstown, PA wanted something many women desire. A firmer bustline. And a little cleavage [a little?? Comeon, let's not mince words. We want the Grand Canyon, here! -ed.] But as much as Tracy wanted this she was unwilling to risk surgical implants. Then she learned of a natural [yes, natural -ed.] approach, the patent-pending [uh-oh. -ed.] ISIS™ Breast Enhancement System.

'At first I was real skeptical,' says Tracy.[sic. Is this supposed to convey a sense of the 'real' in Tracy? Of her roots among the Common Folk Like Us? -ed.] 'But within two to three weeks I started feeling a tingling sensation. [tingling sensation! take it from us, honey, there's more than one road to that destination, few of them involving sprays that "have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration." -ed.] So I got out my tape measure. I measured and then I kept on measuring." [because we all want to walk around with peaks the size of the Grand Tetons on our chests, don't we? -ed.] NOTE: The good folks at Utopia Parkway neither condemn nor condone the emergency self-revamping measures described herein. Any damage to life and limb, affront to the senses, or general public ridicule incurred via purchase and/or use of the above product is entirely the responsibility of the consumer. But hey, don't hesitate to send us pictures, so we can laugh amongst ourselves.