DESPOTS' LOG VOLUME 2
ISSUE 2
Dearest Folks and Flamboyant Forms of Flowers and Foundry Workers,
It's summer!
Most of you are home(*)!
We're still in school!
It's cold and rainy even though it's May!
(*) applicable mainly to those who spend a good part of the year away
from home, for example at college; obviously if you're always at home,
this is hardly front-page news.
However, we are in good spirits, yes we are, because we've finally put
out an issue we've been meaning to do for a year: Tulip Time Exposed.
You see, Kate Pickering hails from the small and twisted town of
Holland, Michigan (that's Kate as in the third of the three names
below, and Pickering as in kmpicker, yes indeedy), which means only
one thing. Namely, we have the inside track on the insidious yearly
celebration of Dutch heritage and ritual worship of the tulip,
otherwise known as Tulip Time.
I know it sounds scary. Just goes to show the kind of danger we'll
face for y'all. We hope you're happy. Our collective knee got scraped.
So, now that you've been informed, we're sure you'll recognize the
below assortment of tulip-bashing, not as a series of unimaginative
tirades, but as an example of the ridiculous made ludicrous by
excess...because that's exactly the effect we wanted, yup yup yup.
Some random house-keeping-type business:
* Come Visit the Talker - the full information is availible in the
last issue, but for those of you who are scratching their heads *at
this moment*, the talker is a real-time virtual hang-out based on
Utopia Parkway, written by a friend of ours. It's a lot of fun, it's
super easy to pick up, and it's an especially keen place to meet
other UP subscribers and/or talk about those interests that seem to
permeate our subscribership - TMBG, for example, or MST3K....or KiTH
.....or Jell-O...(the list goes on - it's terrifying).
It's also Easy To Get To! Figure out how to telnet on your
system, and telnet to
blacktape.cs.uchicago.edu 3000
(if you need more detailed instructions, you could write and ask us
for the last issue)
* Some of you have been writing in to ask when this alleged sell-out
is going to take place... Well. We're not entirely sure. Things
have taken much longer than any of us thought (on either side of the
contract) due to Much Business (which is an official term by the way
- hey, we're proffessionals, here). We'll keep you posted.
And, at any rate, they have promised us that the Official Utopia
Parkway merchandise [tm] (including tee-shirts, coffee mugs, key
chains and jell-o molds - availible personalized at a small extra
cost) and complimentary beverages will be availible post haste.
In related news (related especially to that part way back there at
the beginning about most of you being away from college at this
juncture, remember, huh, remember, huh huh?), given the fact that
many of you don't have internet connections over the summer (see
parentheses last), and given also the fact that it's difficult to
put UP out from three different locations, we've decided to let the
issue-output drop off a bit during this summer - most likely to
every other month or so. Just thought we ought to warn you so you
wouldn't run screaming and insane into the street when the interim
periods seemed especially long (and the night has been too lonely,
and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong,
etc. etc...). Fear not, gentle soldier. We'll be back.
ummmmmm....okay....[shuffle].....maybe that's all now....WAKE UP!!
THE ISSUE'S ABOUT TO START!!!
with much ado about nothing,
Franny, Kari & Kate
Hello.
Nathan, you and I should be friends. I am from Spain, the country of friends. In Spain, there has never been a war; only peace and happiness. You are trying to hurt me, but you fail, because I am trained in the ways of Spanish understanding.Will you be my Valentine?
(Holding an all-time record for reader mail submissions: Bob, yu103271@yorku.ca)
Hello.
My name is Jose, from Spain. I am using my good friend Roberto's computer to make new friends across the world. He told me to write to you, and so here I am!In Spain, we have bull fights, and I fought a bull myself once.
I must go now. It was nice meeting you.
As we say in Spain, "Blinky in the Easter Basket!"Jose
(Bob, yu103271@yorku.ca)
I have started a new rock and roll band.
We are called "the Licks and the Eyeless".
We are very popular on campus because we are weird and funny.
One of our songs is called, "Stop Fighting Crime, And Start Loving Me."(Bob, yu103271@yorku.ca)
Thought you might want to know, if you don't already, that on Utopia Parkway (the namesake of your e-publication) it is warm and buds are on the trees. (Curly Sue, sue@interport.net[Aww....thanks! It's true, we don't get out to the ol' namesake too often these days. *sniff*. Good to now we've got friends out there, looking out for it for us. -ed.]
Dearest Queens of the UP,[Never fear, Chris dear - we've got our minions working on that jello salad round the clock! -ed.]I'd like to offer my sincerely congratulations and bestest wishes on reaching that first year of existance. I remember what mine was like, so needless to say I am not only thrilled, but proud as well.
...I really am glad to be on your list, and if you come across a Jell-o salad that can be served with corned beef and cabbage, I would be glad to hear about it.(Chris Zammarelli, lib_zammarel@holycross.edu)
I scream,
You scream,
We all scream,
For Mauve Beam!Respectfully (?) submitted,
(John Bacon, jbacon@interaccess.com)
the blow fat glow fish likes to play go fish[Eric? Darling? That California weather's affecting your brain, isn't it? -ed.](Eric Rice (erwrice@leland.Stanford.EDU)
The West Point page is pretty funny.I have a sister who did a couple WP dances (although recent, late 80s) and I lifted from my mom and attempted to read through a copy of Amy Vanderbilt's guide from circa 1965.
You didn't mention the 'walks' that the cadets take the nice young ladies on into the woods, which was the real reason that the nice young ladies were supposed to wear skirts and not pants...
(which, BTW, was a tidbit first related to me by a former manager at a job, who did a few 'walks' about the time of your Vanderbilt book. And I don't know if my sis ever did the 'walk')
(chris, shak@leland.Stanford.EDU)
