The Utopia Parkway Diner

The Utopia Parkway Diner
Have a seat. Did you need a menu? Here you go. Oh, the bathroom? It's down the hall and to the left.

The Sppackle Daquiri
Like many recipes doomed...er...destined, that is, to be classics, this one started off as a mistake, a culinary misstep turned to our advantage. Simply put, we left a couple of bottles of Sppackle in the freezer too long (knowing that they wouldn't cool off any faster, but still hoping they might, and then promptly forgetting about them) and they magically became the fruity beverages of which any self-respecting paradise is made.
Ingredients:

As many bottles of Sppackle as you have fingers. (that's hardly fair to any self-respecting drunk, but then again, no self-respecting drunk would be caught unconscious with one of these babies.) We recommend that the flavors you choose be of the tropical ilk (though what you do with your iced teas is your business, today and everyday) - some of our favorites include Bongo Badness, Highball Blast and Strawbeer Leperade.

Bacardi Light Rum....to taste.

paper umbrellas (optional)
[ed.'s note: the paper umbrellas are *not* optional.]

colorful fruit of various sizes, an "Elvis in Hawaii" album, an obscenely large and stupid coctail glass, mood lighting and a woman in the next room screaming "is it ready yet?!" [we hire out. -ed.]
Put Sppackle in freezer. Leave for...awhile. Hey, man, this is our *vacation* - it's not like we had time to work this out to a science...you gotta get a feelin' about the Sppackle, that's all. Tune into it. Keep your eye on it, because you don't want that collectible glass bottle to explode, but don't keep your eye *directly* on it, because then it'll freeze to the metal lid, and, trust us, that's messy. H'okay!! On with the show.
You want to let the liquid freeze to a harder form than the actual daquiri will eventually take - but not solid. Then remove and place in refrigerator. Periodically "test the Sppackles," so to speak, by prodding lovingly with a knife or other appropriate utensil [this category does *not* include ramen. -ed.], breaking up any icey center, until the bottle is filled with slushy, fruity, artificial goodness.
Pour slushy Sppackle into obscenely large and stupid coctail glass. Add Bacardi's (a good rule of thumb is "keep pouring until the rum starts to change the color of the mixer.") Add (optional) [*not*-optional. -ed.] paper umbrella. Put on Elvis. Kill woman. Kick 'er back.

The good folks at Utopia Parkway feel a little guilty that our only class is a special summer program in Looking Hip While Drinking Large Fruity Drinks, while many and sundry of our readership find themselves suddenly in a cramped collegiate closet they call home once more. So we thought we'd offer up a few suggestions to brighten up your days, your nights, and to stay the tide of crushed creativity created by your institution of choice. Thus, we present Some suggestions as to the many utilities of the ordinary economy household noodle product, RAMEN.

Ramen, with required materials.

Use it dry as a topping for salads, tacos and sundaes!

Pull out your favorite sandwich fixings, place between two uncooked ramen biscuits, and bite into a *real* manwich!

Broken into pieces, ramen makes an excellent breakfast cereal!

Pour cooked ramen into cake pans or jello molds for a birthday cake they'll *never* forget! (just add powder to vanilla frosting for that extra oomph!)

Substitute syrup! And how about *Belgian* ramen?

Crumble into your birdfeeder the next time the birdies "just sound a little down" - you'll be amazed at the reaction!
Ramen Sundae.

(and so begins the slippery slide into ambiguous intent)

The fragility of cooked ramen is only an illusion - knitting, macrime, needlepoint, crochet work are all possible with a little bit of patience and a gentle touch. We have a family afghan made entirely of ramen that's been hanging in the hallway for *decades*. And what an original heirloom!

Create jewelry for the whole family! (liberal varnishing is kosher)

Tanned ramen canned be fashioned into belts, bags and sandles!

Replaces climbing rope, floatation devices and the securing framework of most major buildings - in a flash, and at a fraction of the cost! (Braid ramen for additional safety.)

Did somebody say "Original Dress for the Oscars"?

Ramen cake.

Available at a supermarket near you. For about 7-for-a-buck, if you're lucky.

Haven't had enough? Can't wait for seconds? Check out our suggestions for further reading . Also, in yet another food-related, yet not totally food-like note, we suggest you check out what those wacky folks at Rice have been doing with Twinkies.